10 Passive-Aggressive Ways To Hint At a Mothers' Day Gift

....or any gift receiving occasion for that matter - Birthdays, Christmas or Bat mitzvahs. I'm not picky.

Now, it's not all about what the gift for me. I'm not that grabby grabby...but just something, a thought for example, that would count. Or a card.
A hand made one with a little hand print would be nice, but I am grateful for a battered one from the Spar failing that.
And for a gift?
Just something the kids picked out (randomly pointed out in la supermache), something they drew or stuck together? I would love a nice pub lunch...well on second thoughts, maybe just the Harvester with the soft play areas and sticky tables. No more fine dining when you have tiny savages.

Here's some ways for the passive-aggressive amongst us  (the non confrontational, yet a bit miffed we get nought compared to the astounding Facebook 'the boy done good' type posts) and ways to hint for your significant other to buy a card.
Let's face it, we can't trust the kids to do it. The task to select the correct gift or make it (unlikely) falls on the significant other. Or the child minder (but the child minder normally possesses forethought).
I'm sorry to say it guys and gals. Sometimes mothers' day gifts suck.
It's OK, I'm equally as shit at selecting gifts for my husband - see valentines card at bottom of post (this appears to be how we roll in this house).
So, here are the 10 ways:

#1: Classic loo fodder:

Everyone likes a little read in the loo. Also they can't escape for at least 3 minutes until they are 'hygienically' finished, so scatter a mag with said preferred item at correct poop leaning over eye level position.
Draw ginormous black felt marker around what you want and adorn with arrows. You do not want bumper pack of Tena on opposite page (you may need it, but not as a gift). Hide the felt tip again. You do not want those pesky kids finding it and drawing tashes on each other.


#2: Same as Previous:

But scatter in car/desk/man cave. Maybe use a fancy highlighter pen this time and sticky tabs. You know, mix it up a bit.

#3: Put Out

Yes, put out...the rubbish. Other half will be astonished that you've done the task they find most menial and suddenly appreciate all that you do. All the kitchen slaving, bum wiping snot catching, school run running, plus working a normal job jobbing. Well, maybe in an ideal world.
Try not to actually 'put out'. Ain't nobody got time for that. Although if pushed, at the last resort put out, but you only have a 5 minute window after the deed to get exactly what you want before sleep sets in or a child appears (from another room, not as a pregnancy, that would be a very quick, yet appealing, pregnancy).

#4: Dinner for Schmucks

Invite round the most arduously competitive couple you know. Nothing like some healthy competition. Of course he's taking her to that quadruple AA rosette restaurant and the children have made mummy a diamond necklace out of kale...excellent, bring it on. Your partner will get wound up by the one up man ship you will get the jet ski, meal out and cuddly toy - Bullseye! Now throw that cuddly toy at that smug bitch's Facebook photos of mothers' day.


#5: The Vague Facebook Status Update

The aim is to evoke the reply 'What's up hun?'
Firstly summon your most histrionic personality type, drink a couple of glasses of wine, reminisce through what might of been, go and weigh your self on the scales, and there you have it... The perfect state of mind to write a passive aggressive Facebook status. Examples include:
'Feeling :-( Gonna have shit mum's day'
'They never appreciate me' or
'If you want something doing, do it yourself, sick of men.'
Don't forget to tag your other half or children, set to public view and let the sympathy roll in. Keep the suspense, always reply to concerns with 'will PM you hun'. Now everyone in your friend list feels the burden of your mothers day gift...it's going to be the Christmas of Mothers' day. Mummageddon.
(Just drunk a large G&T whilst writing that...feel that I'm insanely hilarious and quick witted). *Awaits morning after the night before blogging regret.*

#6: The Fathers Day Card

Casually slip in that you were already planning Fathers' day, as you appreciate what a great Dad he is. Ask what would he like you and the kids to get for him. Show him the painstaking card you have toiled with over with your toddler (that actually you did as the toddler would rather play on their little Tikes car...see this post). This may or may not trigger the synapses to spark and cascade into a light bulb Mothers' day gift moment. You may just regret making that Fathers' day card in advance as there is glitter fricking well everywhere and the baby will of just eaten the card by the time June comes.

#7: Press The 'Suggest this Product' Button

Repeatedly on desired gift. Spammy inbox. That'll do it. Although is probably the 7th most common reason for divorce.

 

#8: Spell It Out

With fridge magnets. Cute yet effective.

 

#9: Share This Post

There are even little buttons for this below. As passive aggressive as it gets.


(Don't click on the picture above, its just a picture. The actual sharing buttons are right at the bottom).

#10: BACS

If all else fails get the money transferred by BACS and buy your own. Maybe that should of been point #1?
NB: Of course Mothers' day is a day actually made by greeting card companies and the like for us to spend all our Wonga on to feed their appetite for making shit cards and making us feel validated for our motherly efforts by what cards or gifts we got or someone else got for Mothers' day. But I still would quite like a card. Even a shitty, sticky toddler snotty hand printed one or one from the Spar *Shares on husbands Facebook wall*. Just in case you're reading darling, I know flowers die and you feel there is immense futility in purchasing them, but I'd like something to go in the vase other than a film of dust, broken crayolas and old pennies. 
To remind you of my love for you, here is the valentines card I bought you:
 After last weeks successful post, I managed to exceed my amount of Facebook followers. Now I have at least 8! Woah there, don't let this go to your head Doctomum, it ain't all about the stats (or talking about yourself in the third person)...But go on follow me...please. I'll even help you out with links below and links shiny nice links on the side too:
and there's more over there to the right and up a bit.
Come on, let's conquer the world, one toddler at a time.

The Dad Network



Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

8 comments:

  1. Brilliant post! Made me howl so much that I hopped right over to follow you on Facebook and twitter! I'm liker number 9 ;) You'll find me at Zena's Suitcase #brilliantblogposts

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    1. Oh thank you! Hopefully didn't come across too desperate for social media likers! I will pop along now to your blog to have a peek.

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  2. LOVE this. Actually howling. The passive aggressive Facebook status is fab, I would bet actual money that I'll see a couple of those in the coming days.

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  3. Haha...please share a screen shot of any passive aggressive Facebook posts if you come across them. Actually don't they just wind me up as I shout at the screen, 'just say what's wrong!!!!' Plus a few expletives.

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  4. Ah definitely the competitive couple one for me, wish I'd read this before mother's day ;) I hope it worked and you got lots of lovely treats yesterday.x

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    1. Don't worry it works for other occasions too. I got my husband to spell check this...that was my way of hinting (though I told him I was obviously taking about all the other Dads). I got overtired kids for mothers' day...and some wine - each counterbalanced each other. Hope you had a nice one x

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  5. Did it work?! I have to say Elsa's daddy did well this year. He helped make a handmade hamper filled with my favourite edible treats :D I've eaten most of them already.

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    1. What - a hamper?! Amazing, I am (as they say in TOWIE) well jel. You evidenctally do not need any hinting advice. What's your secret?!
      I got two overtired kids curtesy of going to the in laws house where first born was up between 1-4am...curtesy of extremely squeaky floorboards, over anxious in laws and a heating system set to 40 degrees. This resulted in the WORST meal out ever! Tantrum Central. Anyhow, got a bottle of champers to soften the blow.

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