The Reluctant Employer: The Guide To Finding a Nanny

"Can I ask why you didn't shortlist me?" said the email.

Oh god, oh god. I didn't sign up for having to do the 'let down talk' to people. I already have difficulty saying no and a fear of confrontation, how was I meant to say (in a nice sugar coated fluffy way):
"You sounded a bit pushy love and I'd had enough of devoting the past week of my life to interviewing nannies. I just want the hell to end"?

The let down excuse eh? One of those truly #Awkward moments.

So as a way of avoiding answering the awkwardness and while I think up some long winded highly un-plausible excuse story that will undoubtedly catch me out, I decided to write a post on the whole nanny finding process. Catch last weeks post on the contemplation and horror at financing a nanny here.
So here's how to find your Maaary Paaarpins (or modern day equivalent).
Yep, she's practically perfect in everyway...but what is her gross rate?

Lesson #1: Don't Panic!

On day one of the nanny hunt, I panicked.
I had what I can only describe as feelings similar to a pregnant woman nesting and panic buying 6 slings. Because you must have 6 fricking slings, you know, just in case the baby hates sling 1-5, you've always got number 6 to fall back on. Yep, I panicked and set up an ad on a little bit blindly.

Travelling Without Kids Bucket List

As you will probably gauge from this post, I would like to holiday without my family
Without being ruled by nap time, without the fear of flying with ear popping crazed children, without having to eat my hotel room dinner of a packet of crisps in the dark with the tele sound down to barely audible.
I would like to relax with my husband like old times and experience the actual culture: Real food, real restaurants in the evening time, long sweaty journeys talking without interruption to play wheels on the bus, again, spontaneity and ultimately doing nothing.
And because I can't actually afford any holiday now due to having two in childcare (as you can see from this post), the only way to go is either develop the ability to teleport or enter a competition. I did the latter and you can too with the Transun bucket list competition (if you do, just remember to be gracious and let me win, cheers).
Now that you too are craving a holiday without the kids, here are the three places I would love to go (hint, hint)...



Seriously, who wouldn't? 
Now I've already planned this one out when I was pregnant with my first child as my own special way of nesting. Most people clean, I planned a holiday with a 4 week old baby. Of course I didn't actually go on holiday with a newborn (can you imagine the horror on all the honeymooners for that flight?), that was just the pregnancy craziness talking. But, I planned the monkeys out of it.

Call Nanny 911 - I Can't Afford To Go Back To Work

"We just can't afford for me to go back to work." I dramatically sobbed.
Partly due the reality that childcare would Pacman gobble up all of my salary (and then some) but also due to the overemotional breastfeeding hormones seeping through my veins and out of my nipples. On first glance I would actually be in deficit from going back to work and having two pre-schoolers in childcare.

Just pretend it's a picture of a doctor

I had gone through the options:

The first being Firstborn's old childminder. She was flexible and Firstborn loved her but the thought of having to get two children out the door ready for 6.30am (getting them out of bed at 5am) bordered on cruelty to them and to myself. I would be doing at least 14 hour days door to door on a 'normal day' and the thought of picking up two exhausted children on the return from work bordered on cruelty to them and me.

50 Things that Make me Happy

I was tagged by the loveliest Cuddlefairy to write this (here are her 50 things).

Sure fire happiness: Baby snuggles & toddler giggles

And if you're interested - let's face it, you go to the second sentence so you owe it to yourself to read on - here's my 50 things that make me happy in no particular order (NB: I take pleasure in the random things):

Why Babies Cry

I can answer this very quickly. However, I won't as I would like to create some suspense.

After f-all sleep a couple of weeks back, I was trying to wedge a set of chunky thighs into the baby carrier whilst using my own chunky thighs as a safety gate to stop the toddler running under oncoming traffic, then a very helpful (not very eff'ing helpful) other mum started the pity chat with me.

You know the pity chat don't you? First they cock their head to the side, furrow up a mock concern brow, then out comes the backhander..

Other Mum: "Oooohh, how old is he?" <cocks head, furrows brow>

Baby Bobcat: "Ahhhhhhhhh, wahhhhhhh, screeeeaaaam"

Doctomum: "He's 4 months".  <Gives up on wedging chunky leg into carrier. Baby will have to rock the asymmetric one leg out look today> "He's a bit upset as he doesn't like the car journey today." <Uses own bottom to some how pick up a changing bag and nudge toddler back onto kerb>

Other Mum: "Oh <here comes the backhander> mine just love the car." <smug look>

Doctomum: <Sound of resolve snapping> "Well, good for you then".

Followed by insto-guilt that I shouldn't of snapped and simultaneous thoughts that I should of said a better comeback.

But what I was really annoyed at myself - why am I making excuses for my baby crying? Babies cry don't they? The do don't they? Mine cry, other people's cry. I'm sure other peoples' cry. Other peoples cry, don't they?

Enough of the second guessing - Why must we make excuses for our babies crying?

Babies cry. End of. Sometimes you know why, sometimes you don't.
Crying Reason: The freaky floating Po

If you are still wondering why babies cry however, here are 64 reasons:

Doctomum's Sussex Days Out: Littlehampton Railway

My son is addicted to trains, so when I found that there was little train about 10 minutes drive from me at Littlehampton Railway, I was on it like a car bonnet, or a train bonnet (if trains have bonnets).

The Medical Baby Name Dictionary: What Not to Name Your Child.

Did you know that the meaning of the name Philip is 'lover of horses'. Odd meaning isn't it? Unless you know a Philip, who is particularly fond of horses.

Working with children and babies, I have the privilege of seeing some bizarre baby names (though I'm one to talk after what I have named my children).
But have you ever thought, 'that name sounds lovely'...*adds to baby name list*..Then discovered what it means?...*crosses off baby name list*.

Here's a list of medical names, that have a certain nice ring to them...but under no circumstances should be used as baby names.....But if you did name your child them, this is what that baby name would mean. Apologies for the longest sentence in history. Here it is then:


The Medical Baby Name Dictionary: Girls Version



Nickname: 'Hot Rubes'
Origin: German (measles).
Meaning: Infectious personality, dislikes being part of the herd (immunity).

Actual meaning: An infective virus also known as German Measles