Why Babies Cry

I can answer this very quickly. However, I won't as I would like to create some suspense.

After f-all sleep a couple of weeks back, I was trying to wedge a set of chunky thighs into the baby carrier whilst using my own chunky thighs as a safety gate to stop the toddler running under oncoming traffic, then a very helpful (not very eff'ing helpful) other mum started the pity chat with me.

You know the pity chat don't you? First they cock their head to the side, furrow up a mock concern brow, then out comes the backhander..

Other Mum: "Oooohh, how old is he?" <cocks head, furrows brow>

Baby Bobcat: "Ahhhhhhhhh, wahhhhhhh, screeeeaaaam"

Doctomum: "He's 4 months".  <Gives up on wedging chunky leg into carrier. Baby will have to rock the asymmetric one leg out look today> "He's a bit upset as he doesn't like the car journey today." <Uses own bottom to some how pick up a changing bag and nudge toddler back onto kerb>

Other Mum: "Oh <here comes the backhander> mine just love the car." <smug look>

Doctomum: <Sound of resolve snapping> "Well, good for you then".

Followed by insto-guilt that I shouldn't of snapped and simultaneous thoughts that I should of said a better comeback.

But what I was really annoyed at myself - why am I making excuses for my baby crying? Babies cry don't they? The do don't they? Mine cry, other people's cry. I'm sure other peoples' cry. Other peoples cry, don't they?

Enough of the second guessing - Why must we make excuses for our babies crying?

Babies cry. End of. Sometimes you know why, sometimes you don't.
Crying Reason: The freaky floating Po

If you are still wondering why babies cry however, here are 64 reasons:

  1. Unknown
  2. I just feel like it today
  3. I can't talk so I cry
  4. Hungry (yes, the random old lady in the post office queue was right)
  5. Tummy ache (after eating too much)
  6. Wind (after eating too much and crying too much)
  7. You are inadvertently squishing one of my body parts
  8. You are not looking at me
  9. You are not look at me in the right way
  10. I have seen your face too much today
  11. I want to see Daddy/Grandma/Grandad/Auntie/Random person, just not you.
  12. Some stranger just pinched my cheek and tried to hold my hand
  13. Teething, please let me chew
  14. You brought the wrong teether
  15. That brand of baby food is too inexpensive. Where is the organic one from the lady and her kitchen?
  16. The bouncy vibrating chair is unnerving (95% of babies hate this, 95% of parents want their baby to love it)
  17. The sibling (hit/bit/poked/invaded personal space/looked at me/didn't look at me enough)
  18. You went to the loo without me
  19. You went to the loo with me
  20. The buggy
  21. Is this the first time you have used a sling? You amateur
  22. You put me down
  23. You picked me up
  24. You are carrying me wrong
  25. You are carrying me right...if this were yesterday.
  26. You are not swaying correctly, more lunge, less shimmy
  27. You are sitting down
  28. You are eating
  29. Your tea is hot
  30. It's too dark, I can't see you
  31. It's too light, you haven't aged well
  32. You have the iPhone brightness up too much during my night feed
  33. You are making pastry, doing that whole crumbling thing and the butter mixture is all over your fingers. I must be picked up now.
  34. You don't smell right today
  35. Tired
  36. Tired but don't want to sleep
  37. Poo
  38. Wee
  39. Fart
  40. Poo or fart will not emit as planned
  41. Soggy baby grow hidden by dry outside of Growbag (countless mornings my parents have fallen foul of this one).
  42. I scratched myself, my nails need cutting
  43. You cut my nails
  44. The hand drier
  45. Someone else is crying
  46. Someone sneezed
  47. Getting into the bath
  48. Getting out of the bath
  49. You need to go through the list again, as I may have changed my mind now as to why I'm crying
  50. I'm bored
  51. Wrong toy
  52. Still wrong toy
  53. Right toy, but now I'm really miffed at you for getting it wrong. Start at the beginning of the list again.
  54. You need to sing that song.
  55. Now do the actions with the song.
  56. I am lonely, being with you 23.5 hours a day is not enough.
  57. You put me in this barren cot
  58. You turned the mobile on to keep me company in my cot - that thing is freaking me out.
  59. The video monitor is looking at me with its one big glowing eye.
  60. You talked over the baby monitor (FYI, never do this, frightens the crap out of me. OK, do it once but just for a laugh).
  61. You brought me into your bed but you are now too close/too far away/leaking milk all over me.
  62. The car (used to be a winner, not anymore)
  63. I'm developmental leaping (you will only know this in retrospect)
  64. I am a baby, this is what I do

Next time someone asks why your baby is crying or you feel you need to make an excuse about them crying - feel empowered to tell them to bog off. Only joking, use your British reserve and just smile while seething underneath. Then come here, where you are always welcome and post below.


Disclaimer: I know I may be being a bit harsh and I understand that there are only so many ways to make awkward conversation with the parent of a screaming baby. I know you are just trying to be nice. I know, I know...but if you could just not ask' why is the baby crying?' (and whilst I'm at it avoid saying 'Is he sleeping through the night yet?'), because, I do not know either. The answer is Unknown.
Another of life's great mysteries eh?


*****

Got more ridic reasons your baby is crying? Post below, share, moan, whatever, you are in a safe environment here, where the baby cannot read your thoughts.


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Blog name: Doctomum
Twitter ID: Doctomum
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Email: Doctomum@gmail.com

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27 comments:

  1. oh yes, babies like to cry with and without a reason) I was given a fun book on my baby shower all about fun reasons why babies cry

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    Replies
    1. Was the book actually fun or was it one of those head smack moment?! You know babies are great, when they aren't crying, pooping all up their backs, vomiting, dribbling... Thanks for reading.

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    2. i would say they are obvious and silly reasons, safe to say this book went into the bin..

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  2. Absolutely! We don't need to make excuses for our babies crying, they do it all the time, at their will for their own reasons. Teething is a fairly common excuse that works anytime and covers any age too! I love the iPhone light is too bright during the night feed. Priceless!

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    Replies
    1. The iPhone light is one of the many stupid ways to wake your baby, as well as dropping your phone accidentally on them (both of which I have done). Thanks for reading, now to get back to that little screamer...

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  3. Amusing post! #

    Carolyn
    http://stylishmemories.com

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  4. Ahh yes! My toddler was doing a lot of this today!! ;)

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    Replies
    1. There is no age limit on whinging is there?!

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  5. What about crying because I'm crying...because we've all lost it!x

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    Replies
    1. Pa ha ha...Yes of course, don't know how I forgot that one. Babies eh, they are so silly!

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  6. Another ace post which suddenly makes me feel not very broody ;)

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  7. Thanks! Maybe I should write 64 reasons why babies smile? Then you would want more... But I can only think of two - wind and the sibling did something funny.

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  8. I LOVE this. Well done for your car comeback - I'd say it hit the spot nicely (even if you did think of an edgier line hours later as is sadly so often the case). This reminded me of talking with two friends about dreaded baby sleep, and one saying her toddler had never slept 12 hours, even when she sleeps through. My other friend replied 'Oh X often sleeps 13 hours through the night but 12 at least.' What? THAT is your response? I'm sure she didn't mean to be an asshole but really.
    Why, why, why do people ask why they are crying? Why do they even want to know - are they doing some sort of survey? Great post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha - Yes that it, they must be doing a survey! A survey on how to be an condescending arsehole to parents.
      Urgh, parents of good sleepers, I both envy and despise you, lucky sods *has to nip off now to answer the crying baby who should be asleep*
      Thanks for reading.

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  9. Number 26 is my favourite. I have a slight nostalgia crossed with lasting emotional trauma about the endless swaying with my crying babies!

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    Replies
    1. Oh the swaying. In the end I combined it with buttock clenching to both pass time and get fit. Thanks for stopping by to comment.

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  10. Love this! So true. They cry because they do. Seriously sometimes they don't need a reason.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, crying is just a basic baby function, as is filling the nappy. I should be grateful it's not the toddler paddy which is way more embarrassing. Thanks for reading & commenting.

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  11. Haha - 64 that is all we need to know. Contrary little monkeys *cries a bit with them* x #thelist

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  12. I did just think of reasons 65 (you are taking a shower) and 66 (you are getting dressed) and I don't know how I overlooked them...perhaps it's because of all the crying that's going on, bit distracting. Thanks for stopping by, just had a peek at a couple of your articles and am hooked (just need to find the time to read them) x

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  13. Ha ha! Brilliant and they just get more irrational as they get older. Thanks so much for linking up to #TheList x

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    Replies
    1. Good god, I know! Thanks for hosting x

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  14. This is so utterly brilliant I just read the whole list out loud and we've laughed so much we just woke Zach up...oops!!! Thanks so much for linking up with #twinklytuesday - I'm being beckoned upstairs by I want mummy!!

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    Replies
    1. Arghhhhh, awake baby - I'm sorry but I hope it was worth it! Hope Zach didn't keep you for too long!

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  15. P.S.I remember Zach crying his eyes out the first time I tried to put him in the baby carrier by myself!!

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    Replies
    1. They smell the fear that's its your first time, don't they?!

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