The Nanny Trial: She's Only Bloody Maary Paarpins!

...Except less irritating and sans umbrella (but in fairness, it wasn't raining today).
This is an update for those of you eagerly awaiting an update in 'The Nanny Chronicles' (Part 1 & Part 2), my unwitting series into finding a nanny for the professional who's salary equals that of the childcare.
This is the German language version, obvs, meinen freundin.
The time is 8am; First born is at the window, chomping at the sill for his hotly billed new playmate to ring the doorbell.
She doesn't have to ring the doorbell, the door is far from ajar and the antsy whinges of a 6 month old welcome her through the door. The trial day is here.
This is to be a day of shadowing, learning the ropes of our loosely worded 'routine' (also known as memorising the Cbeebies scheduling) and most importantly, *soppy warning* for me to be able to trust that I have chosen the right person to take care of my two little squidgy widgey beauties (who I don't want to leave to go back to work as I love baby snuggles...then do want to leave when there's the mother of all paddies...then don't when I get a 'mummy I love you very much'...then do when, as if colic wasn't a turdfest enough, then comes teething...Anyway you get the gist).
And in summary she's only blinking perfect for us, so far *touches wood*, says the eternal pessimist.

The reasons why she is only bloody our Maaary Paaarpins (and seemingly a better parent than I):

1)  She doesn't dick about on her phone as much as me. In fact she doesn't dick at all. This in essence makes her the modern day Mary Poppins and also highlights my need for a digital detox. If a 21 year old can do without her phone who has 90% more chance of a social life than me and a need for social media, then dear old Doctomum can do without it for a bit.
2)  She follows through with discipline and Firstborn listens. Definitely the magical talent of the Poppins.
In fact even I want to comply and hold her hand in the car park when she asks.
3)  She doesn't need to offer 2 slices of melon, 4 Pringles, and throw in a packet of Haribo in some Hungry Caterpillar escapade to get Firstborn to put on a pair of shoes.
She just makes a fun game of it and he DOES it first time. She's fricking Mary doing that whole 'spoonful of sugar' song.
I've tried being  'Let's make a game of it mum' and I just end up giving him the whole packet of Pringles. What gives?
4) Firstborn didn't want her to leave at the end of the day so he told me to leave. Of course, I called his bluff and said I was happy to go, forever.
Of course, he waved goodbye and then told me not to come back.
Balls, Mrs Banks has been ejected from her own house.
5)  She pushed Firstborn on the swing for a full 20 minutes. That's 19 more minutes then I ever could.
 "Are you sure you don't want to try the slide now? How about the roundabout? Packet of Haribo to get off? Still no?" That's my swing mantra to the intolerable arm numbing boredom of swinging *hangs head in lack of swing stamina shame*
6) Dinner started at 5pm. All dinner was eaten by 5.10pm. Normal dinner finish time without a nanny (and even with a husband around) is at the earliest 5.40pm. This house will be shipshape in no time.
7)  She voted non-conservative in the election (sorry Tories, another sore loser here). Therefore morally and politically we may be a match. I always had Ms Poppins down as Labour anyway. 

And the negatives?


She did recoil at the size of Firstborn's proudly shown off potty poo. In fairness it was the size (and shape) of a hedgehog with a hint of bog of eternal stench.
That's all though - practically perfect in every way in my eyes.
 Let's hope the errant paddies and constant demand for Play-doh don't put her off too much.

Last thought.....

As I sit here with Bobcat (Secondborn) in my arms watching Extraordinary Pregnancies on TLC whilst writing this, I'm still in two minds about the whole going back to work/nanny hiring thing.
One mind is saying: "It just took you one hour to get him asleep this evening. An hour of swaying, jiggling, sweating and wailing. All of which came from you".
The other mind is saying "You spent an hour embracing this snugglepot of loveliness with his long lashes, his soft hair stroking his temples, his delicate features burying their way into your shoulder and his hands grasping for your touch. Only finding comfort you."
Bloody love this guy and the toddler Firstborn upstairs. I don't know how I'm going to leave him for a nightshift or any shift - the strums of mummy guilt are being played....

Anyone else looking for their childcare Poppins? Having Strums of going back to work guilt?

Go on nominate me for the MADS, no-one else will...*getting out world's tiniest violin and using world's cutest forlorn puppy to play it.*
No emotional blackmail there at all. Here's the button - look I made it easy for you:

Tots100 MAD Blog Awards


This weeks linkies:


Brilliant blog posts on

The List


  1. Well she sounds amazing! If you decide against a nanny please send her round to look after me :)

    1. Haha...We all need a sister wife! And your only down the road in East Sussex!

  2. She sounds fab. And amazing. If it doesn't work out please send her to me and my twins, we'd sure test her!! Fab post xx

    1. No probs...she seems eager for anything (we'll soon change that!) x

  3. Totally with you on the swing boredom. had me at violin and I have finally done my nominations for MADS - took me 45 mins I don't have to find someone to nominate for each category (gave up with home and life style because - in all honesty - I do NOT want to see how amazing someone else has made their home look and then look up from my laptop to see the s**thole I live in. No siree!

    1. Haha...I'll put the violin away now. I did my MADS the other day and I spent the whole time thinking 'who was that person who wrote that article about the thingy with the picture of the wotsit?' and in the end just nominated about the same 5 people for different categories. I'm with you on the interiors thing! I may of put in a little MADS word for you....!

  4. Aw is it weird I could actually picture you holding her hand in the park?
    and her trying to persuade you out from under the table where you are crying about going to work on your first day back?
    I feel sad your going back. If I win the lottery before then I'll pay for you to be the nanny for your kids x

    1. Awww, thanks mate. But could you also pay for a nanny for me if you win the lotto? Not to look a gift horse in the mouth or anything...x

  5. She sounds really great - positive, attentive and not glued to her phone! Definitely a keeper :) Good luck going back to work!! #brilliantblogposts xx

    1. I hope she's keeper. I almost thought she may not come back after the ginormo-poops my children subjected her to!

  6. Yayyyyyy!! I have LOVED following this journey and I am so pleased you have found someone amazing. If you do go ahead, at least you know your children are with someone fab! What is it though, about childcarers successfully managing to get our children to do something? I was picking Zach up from nursery the other day and he purposefully threw something on the floor. I asked him to pick it up several times and he refused - the girl asked him to pick it up and he did it straight away! I need some of their magic dust!! Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

    1. I think it's being young and full o beans that makes them better at taking care of the kids and getting them to do things. I remember when I babysat for next door over the summer holidays when I was 17 (for the princely sum of £60/week) and I never found it quite as tedious as with my own kids and the kids would do what I said without me even having to use my cross voice!
      Kids these days eh, just don't respect their parents!
      If you find any of that magic dust, send some my way!

  7. Ooh can we borrow her?! SOunds amazing, Thanks so much for linking up to #TheList x
    (if you can add our badge it would be fab x)

    1. Gah, sorry, thought I had badged! Silly toddlers always getting in the way of the laptop and distracting me. All badged up now and proud to be linking up with #thelist!
      I am happy to share long as you can pay her employers NI that I have to fork out - it's a good deal, honest x