The Poem With a Crappy End (Weaning the Dustbin Baby)



The second son is not like the first,
He has this tremendous refuse thirst.
No bin appears to go unturned,
As he thrusts them upon his nose.
It's not just bins either,
With strange foods he's an eager beaver.
Here is the tale of his tastes,
Which he devours with such haste....

***The Poem With a Crappy End***

Peas you quaff at and eject their rind,
Satsuma's you scoff and leave not even the pith behind.
You're a funny old soul when it comes to food,
And it seems not even the usual will do.
Yesterday, I found you with bright pink drool.
Was it the cherry jam on toast consumed?
Nay, it was the fuschia chalk your brother left about,
You'd gobbled it up, not wanting to be left out.
And what other delicacies do you like to nosh on?
Maybe I should turn to where the cat food has gone?
I give you credit, you have refined the pincer grip a treat,
Demolishing a king size pack of Dreamies is no mean feat.
You appetite not quenched, what else is to spare?
I see you've found the wipes that clean your derriere.
You mouth glistens clean, your breath with fragrant odour,
You scamper off behind the door, wrapped up in a tissue toga.
For what is here my sweet, is the most delicious of all;
The contents of  bin, for which you graciously bow and fall.
Every item lightly dusted with a long haired cat's down,
Now this adorns your upper lip in a moustached frown.
Rolling in the contact lens carcasses, you are filled with glee,
You have sourced used ear buds and snotty tissues for the bargain price of FREE!
Your palate now needs a cleanse, you search amongst some wires,
Of course live electrical plugs, what else could set your taste buds on fire?* 
Safely you are bundled downstairs where you spot my open handbag.
Old lip-gloss gummed, keys chewed and tossed aside, nothing makes you gag,
You reach inside my purse to find a crumbled returns receipt - Bon appetite!
Down the hatch, no more exchange for Mum's purchase regrets, she's now up s**t creek!
Now there seems a funny smell, coming from behind,
Could it be inside your nappy, there is now a poo to find.
A multi-coloured turd, full of wondrous things,
And eating all that chalk before, really did cut down on your wind.
Take a picture for Daddy and send it on Whatsap...
Is this what the government want to snoop on - a picture of our darling's crap?
 Looking for frozen 'normal' food
So, there's my 10 months old weaning diary. Please do not do as I say (or as he eats) - he's a little guy with 'special' tastes.
*NB: The electrical plugs weren't actually live, that was just for dramatic purposes but all other consumed goods where Bobcat's own choosing's. And obvs, don't let your children eat live wires, amongst other things mentioned.
Who else has a weaning baby dustbin with the cravings of a pregnant lady?
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  1. My eldest ate a daddy long legs at a similar age (live!). That was pretty grim...

    1. Well, at least they are high in protein...but as you say also high in grimness! Sometimes these kids are cheap to feed without even trying.

  2. Haha the little man has a really varied diet doesn't he?? That is s lot of food! It's like having PICA when pregnant eating all that chalk. Would love to have seen his nappy! Fab poem :-) xxx #twinklytuesday

    1. Now do you really want to see his nappy?....Because I can get you pictures...

  3. Too funny. What a great poem. Each of our kids went through a sort of phase like that but especially our middle gone. Maybe it's a second child thing which I don't really want to admit as a second child myself.

    1. Maybe it's because they (here I may just speak for our second child) is left largely unsupervised to forage in bins and in dangerous places...they just have to get on by themselves...survival kicks in!
      God, I hope it's a phase, as I need a rest from leaping up to stick a finger in his mouth to scoop out whatever he has put in there next!

  4. Haha, great poem! My son is so fussy I can't get him to eat 'normal' food let alone anything he shouldn't be eating! I'm rather jealous, ha!
    Becky x

    1. Try sticking the bin in front of him or something really dangerous...He'll wolf in down!

  5. Very good! I bet there's minerals and trace elements and god knows what else that his body wants in all those things he's devouring. I compare it with pregnant women eating coal! Munching on baby wipes seem to very popular with many babies!

    1. Those wipes do freshen you up and they are delicious!

  6. Hahaha!! There's protein in all sorts of things eh?! Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday — hope to see you again next week! x

    Caro |

  7. Love this! I was lucky that none of my 3 ever ate anything weird or got into my purse. Probably cause I always have it hanging up on my closet door. My 4 year old has had a few tastes of dirt but that's about it. I am visiting from #TwinklyTuesday

    1. I am officially the slowest replier to comments...maybe its because I'm always distracted by fishing a baby out of the bin? Its strange because my first son hardly ever put anything in his mouth (very sensible) however the second actually enjoys it, dirt and all!